Truth be told, there are many problems that arise when you run a school. But the one I find to be the most challenging is that even when the institution has been investing all its resources in volunteer work (ie, promoting a book that it was paid for long ago), it still needs money for supplies, books, and paying Joe that ridiculous salary he began demanding when all the SOTW praise went to his head. And, well, finding new ways to bring the money in isn’t always easy. So while you guys have been keeping ADA afloat with enthusiasm, hilarity, and ADA award-winning songs about your dear principal and her book to the tune of medleys from Grease, Sound of Music and even the Police, she has been off pounding the pavement. She has appreciated every last lyric and even laughed aloud to the point that her cats have looked at her like she may be even more insane than they had previously speculated, but her fundraising efforts have kept her so busy that she hasn’t had a moment to share her full appreciation until now.
Seriously, you all kill me. And yes, I have been planning next steps — new projects, that kind of thing. There is still press on Bought dribbling in — this thing that ran in last week’s Post, this other one from an LA-focused website, another review, a Village Voice piece on gays that I somehow managed to get quoted in — but that really is winding down. Next on the agenda is the reality anthology coming out in the spring but a girl cannot live on anthologies alone. This is a long-winded way of explaining my absence around here and letting you know that as I get new projects underway, I plan to be a lot more present on campus.
Now are you ready for the happy ADA story? One that might melt your heart even more than those pictures of fawns that allegedly climb in people’s windows and sleep next to dogs that Joe likes to send around? (Seriously: ask him for it.) I had to go back to Chicago last week and I had made the plan completely haphazardly, booking a random room online. Imagine my surprise when I got there and checked into the type of motel that can best be described as the sort of place you’d only go to if you had plans to kill someone or be killed. I started to panic, realizing I was far from downtown and rush hour was just beginning. And then some words began echoing in my head — words, specifically, from an email that Chi Mike had sent — and they were somewhere along the lines of how I should call him if I got to Chicago and needed something. Do you get it, people? I had the digits for a local cop! A really cool one who’d shown up at my Printers Row Book Festival thing and announced it was my birthday! It took me between 0.2 and 0.3 seconds to decide that, yes, I needed something and I called him and said something along the lines of, “Mike, I’m in hell. Could you come pick me up and get me out of it?” Not sounding remotely surprised, ADA’s most promising student (no pouting, Joe) simply responded, “Give me 20 minutes.” True story!
Do you see what I’m saying, people? We are no mere virtual, imaginary school. We are real. This news is, of course, a bit bittersweet for most of you because it’s impossible to imagine another student being able to catch up to Mike in terms of extra credit, now matter how many Grease songs you adapt, but I do hope it warms the cockles of your ADA-devoted hearts a bit.
If I just had a Chi- in front of my name, I could be the happiest man on earth right now ….
Way to go Chi-Mike. I will pour a cool frosty one tonight in your honor.
That’s a great story! And it doesn’t surprise me at all that Mike would come to the rescue like that. We’ve already begun fundraising to construct a statue of Officer Mike to be placed in the main ADA courtyard.
I know what it’s like to stay in a really run-down hotel room. I used to travel a lot for business and frequently the customers would make the hotel arrangements. I’ve stayed in some incredibly nice places and some real dives. The best place was the upper floor of a Miami hotel with an unbelievable view of Biscayne Bay and Miami Beach in the distance.
I once stayed on the 3rd or 4th floor of a hotel in Redlands, CA, where the highway was literally right outside the room. If I stepped out on to the small balcony, I might have been able to shake hands with people as they drove by.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings
How come the damn Cops always get to haul the good looking women around like Miss Anna?
yet us hose monkeys only get to see the hot ones after they drank to much and are covered in puke or poop?
just not fair!
I am only playing, Good job Chi Mike!
“Covered in puke or poop!” HAHAHAHA!
I suspect that as a cop, Chi Mike has seen his share of people covered in puke and poop.
But it’s not how it seems, Officer Mike. I assure you that I am in fact, covered in someone else’s puke and poop…
There’s only fictional jealousy at the ADA. Rock on, Chi Mike!
PS
DM, wherever you are, I had checked out your band video recently. Nice job, man!
Like Skunkcontrol, I have unfortunately seen beautiful women covered in puke. But poop? Sounds like there’s a story in there that might contain the hilarious or the grotesque, or perhaps both.
Looking forward to hearing about the new projects, Anna.
Chi-Mike! You da man! Did you let Miss Anna try on your handcuffs? I remember an episode of Threes Company when Chrissy Snows brother was a cop and Chrissy and Jack tried on his handcuffs, and hilarity ensued! Just curious!
That story gives me hope. Hope that someday I will be as fortunate as Mike. I could have made up a hundred scenarios in my head for how I might get to meet Anna in person, and none of them would have turned out that good.
Of course, I never would have come up with the “send her to hell” angle. It’s almost…too perfect. Mike you don’t happen to practice voodoo do you? If we looked, would we find a diorama of a seedy motel in your trash? hmm?
Wow, a drink in my honor, a statue commissioned for the ADA courtyard and an atta boy. Thanks! I did what any student at ADA would have done. Like I said on Twitter, our dear principal needs saving, you go save her.
The thing is, I was having a miserable day when I got that call. I hear, “Mike, it’s Anna David” and as my heart started beating again, she told me she was in hell and could I come get her. When she told me the address, I knew time was critical. I decided against going and getting a pistol first (normally I carry one but was at the doctor right before the call so left it at home) and told her I’d be there in 20 minutes.
So I pull up in front of the Bates Motel and there is only one car in the lot, obviously Norman’s. Anna flees the place, I toss her bag into the car and we get the hell out of there. Her kill or be killed description was accurate, the area is known for mobsters, hookers, pimps, thugs, slugs, thieves, you name it. Thankfully, she didn’t see or hear the person who walked by and yelled “Hi Mike!”.
(Just kidding, I just heard about the stuff that goes on there)
Had a nice conversation as we drove downtown. Fellow students, I can’t begin to tell you how cool, smart, funny and sweet Anna is. (If I mentioned how beautiful she is, you guys might start to get really jealous so I won’t)
In the above post, she said I was cool, ADA’s most prominent student, and set the bar high with a ton of extra credit (sorry). I’ll try to not let it go to my head, but good luck with that.
Mike (Needs a white horse)
#ifourdearprincipalandauthorofboughtisinhellyoubusttrhoughthegatesandgogether
Mike is da man! The only problem is that now If I ever want to be SOTW, I’m probably going to have to so something so huge like getting the news orgs to star mentioning that “Bought” was Michael Jackson’s favorite book. Good Luck there.
Worse hotel I ever stayed in was in a little dump town in Kansas. A friend of mine likes to take road trips off the beaten path, and I foolishly agreed to go with him. We stopped for the night at the only hotel in the this town, paid our $29, and went to our room, which we had been told was the only availible room left. On opening the door.we saw the room was destroyed. Furniture everywhere, bedding all over, and blood spray still ON THE WALL. We then noticed the crime tape stuffed in the trash in the room. I suggested we not only leave, but leave quickly, which we did. A 20 minute drive later we were in another town at a very nice Holiday Inn.
Thankfully Pr. Anna was saved from that and is now busily builder her media empire. Still planning those ridiculous vacations that you mentioned on Twitter? Someplace safe, we hope.
Saw more responses after I posted, few more things:
Trapp is right, I’ve seen plenty of people covered in poop and puke, nice to see people once in a while that aren’t .
Toddrod, I seem to recall that episode and had I not been in a rush, might have grabbed those too. Anna was freaked out though, if she saw handcuffs after that hotel she might have beat me over the head with her laptop.
Stefan, I know exactly how you feel. I made a comment that nobody cool ever comes to Chicago and never thought it would happen. Not only did it happen, twice, but it turned out even better than good. Met at Printers Row, got an awesome picture with Anna, and then get called to rescue her from the depths of hell. Who writes this stuff anyway? I swear I don’t practice voodoo and my trash gets burned so you can’t prove anything.
Mike (play on words in the hashtag)
#goodthingIboughtanewcarmyoldonewasembarassing
Trapp, Thanks for the compliments on the video. 39 takes and lots and lots and lots of editing.
To make it viral, to make it really take off, perhaps it needs some of those beautiful women covered in puke or poop. I don’t think our singer, pretty though she is, will go for that though.
I once had a little extra credit stored up from helping with the newsletter, but that hardly compares to swooping into Hell to rescue the principal. I can imagine the ADA awards banquet. Anna announces Mike, “He rescued me from Hell.” There is applause, confetti, balloons, chants of “Mike … Mike … Mike!” A peck on the cheek from the principal. Mike blushes, takes trophy, holds it aloft, crowds cheer. And then Anna says, “And Dave helped me with the newsletter.” … (the sound of someone coughing in the back … the slurp of a drink being finished … )
And though, I’m far down now on the extra credit list, it is indeed a cool story. I’ll echo toddrod, “You da man, Chi-Mike!”
Here is to “Chi-Mike” for resucing Anna David!
That was a fantastic job!
And
Here is to all the police officers all over the country to help keep us safe all the time
Thank you so much!
Best regards
Anthony
First things first, my first post at the end should say promising student, not prominent, I sound like an ass. That said;
Thanks Christian and DM for the kind words. Like I said, I’m positive that any other ADA student would have done the same, just happened to be Chicago that has this particular hotel hell. That banquet story cracked me up and yes, I would in fact blush. I’m just a quiet, shy guy who likes to blend into the background and not get too much attention. I like pecks on the cheek and trophies though. I would cheer for the newsletter assist as well.
Mike (Shy, quiet, part time cape wearer)
#byboughtsoadacanthrowtheawardsbanquetitsoundslikefun
You guys are all way too funny. Love the bates motel and the awards banquette descriptions.
Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision. The ability to direct individual accomplishment toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results. ~Andrew Carnegie
Awesome post and great story, Anna! Happy to see things working out well with you.
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