MAXIM, October, 2008
Watch out, guy. You’re not the only one with a wandering eye.
By Anna David
For years there’s been a rumor floating around that women don’t cheat as much as men. If you believe that, have fun looking for Bigfoot and working on your “9/11 was a government conspiracy” manifesto. The truth is, girls are not quite as innocent as we seem.
Take it from a reformed female philanderer who spent her entire college career betraying one boyfriend after another. Following a karmic pos-college decade sent dateless and alone, I cleaned up my act, but not before I learned firsthand the freaky appeal and downsides of illicit hookups. And I’m not alone: These days women are increasingly willing to venture outside their relationships for sex. In fact, in a 2007 MSNBC.com/iVillage survey of more than 70,000 adults, 50 percent — that’s men and women — admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their lives.
According to Judy Kuriansky, clinical psychologist and author of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to a Healthy Relationship, this uptick in female infidelity makes sense. “We’re not dealing with the ‘electrician coming to the house’ scenario anymore. Women are more financially independent, so they have more opportunities to meet people at work and outside the home.” Plus, we’re exposed to a 24-hour news cycle that keeps us abreast of rampant cheating by celebrities and politicians — hello, Mr. Edwards! — which makes betraying you seem, if not expected, then at least somewhat normal.
Hillary*, 27, who works for a nonprofit, claims to have cheated on every partner she’s ever had. “My boyfriend thinks I’m this good girl. Most men just don’t assume women are capable of what we’re capable of.” Not every girl’s behavior is this extreme, of course. But it’s time you found exactly what we’re doing, why we’re doing it, and what could be in it for you.
Why We Stray Conventional wisdom says men cheat to affirm their virility and satiate their libidos, while women are unfaithful because they crave romance and feel neglected. That may be true occasionally, but women’s sexual appetites can be just as strong as yours. So, sometimes, we cheat for the same reason Brett Favre unretires every year: because we can. Says Rebecca, a 32-year-old New York-based editor who betrayed her man on a recent work trip to L.A.: “I never would have done it in New York, but everything feels sort of surreal when you’re away from home — like no one’s going to know about it.”
Unlike guys, many women also use infidelity as a form of revenge. Sara, a 31-year-old bartender, had a one-night fling because she didn’t like the way her boyfriend reacted to her attempt to spice up their sex life. “I started taking pole dancing classes and got fully waxed, and he told me it was trashy,” she recalls. “So I thought, Fuck him, I’m going to find someone who appreciates this. I invited over my ex. Two bottles of wine and one lap dance later, we were screwing on the couch. Frankly, it felt great. My ex made me feel sexy, not embarrassed.”
In fact, if a girl feels really unhappy in a relationship, she may even start an affair as a way out. “My boyfriend kept pressuring me to marry him, and I didn’t want to,” says Carine, a 27-year-old law student. “The more we fought about it, the more I escalated a flirtation with a classmate. Finally, late one night, after a round of ‘strip-studying,’ we had sex on a deserted floor of the school library. When I told my boyfriend, he broke up with me on the spot. I felt guilty but also, truthfully, kind of relieved.”
